Inconceivable Love
by chibi o death
Summary: Every day Ren wakes to the same routine to find himself drowned in overwhelming emotions, but will that cold winter morning make him reveal his true feelings towards his beloved ainu? [HoroRen]


A/N: This is my first fan fic(and probably the only one I'll ever write).

I've never written something as long as this so do not laugh at my pityful attempt at writing a story.  
For those of you who don't like yaoi I suggest you turn around and walk away right now, and don't say I didn't warn you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King, though I wish I did.

So then on to the story.

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The mornings, cold as they are put a slight smile on Ren's face. The icy wind, slowly creeping into the house gives an enjoyable chilly feeling to the rooms making him not want to get out of bed but at the same time reminding him of a certain person he so anxiously wants to see.

Pulling himself up from under all the layers of sheets and covers, protecting him from the cold, he gently rubbed his eyes with those delicate warm hands. In the silence of the room, he sat, hearing faint footsteps outside in the corridor. _How can he possibly wake up so early in the morning?_ As he stood up he yawned and stretched, ready to take a shower.

The bathroom, even colder than the bedroom, had a dark aspect to Ren's appealing. He entered and instantly shivered; grabbing a towel and hanging it next to the door, he began stripping. The coldness struck Ren's body quite harshly; carefully stepping into the shower he turned the handle and let the small drops of water reach him.

The water gracefully slid down his slender yet well put body. He was pleased by the warmth brought to him by the falling droplets but quite sadly he turned the handle around and the water abruptly stopped falling; it had to end sometime. Quickly he dried himself, and his tongari which had been weighed down by all the humidity gradually regained its shape, something almost no one saw, but if seen was found so odd that not even his own sister could comprehend it.

Ren's sense of fashion, though found somewhat sluttish by some, to him seemed nothing out of the ordinary. He put on his baby blue boxers (if you don't get why they're baby blue, then you're slow --) and over them his black baggy pants which hanged lazily from his hips. He then slipped on his red vest, which according to Ren reveals his midriff ever so _slightly_ and headed out to his room. He picked up his Kwan Dao folded it god knows how and put it away god knows where in the few pieces of clothing he was wearing, (seriously how does he do it!) just in case he needed it if someone so happened to make him angry.

With that he walked to the door and opened it only to find Horo Horo about to knock and who was now staring at him. Ren surprised to see Horo Horo stepped back in shock almost falling down.

"Horo! What the hell are you doing outside my room!" Ren shouted embarrassed and feeling his cheeks go red.

Horo Horo looked at Ren, a puzzled look on his face, "well, I was about to knock on your door when you suddenly opened it." He ran a hand through his spiky blue hair, "oh right, you coming down for breakfast right now?"

Ren, rather amused, was contemplating Horo Horo who was clearly hesitating, "Yes, why do you ask?" Horo seemed to lighten up hearing Ren's response and cheeringly replied, "I just didn't want you to eat alone, that's all." He headed for the stairs, swiftly turned around, said, "See you downstairs then!" and continued on to the first floor.

Ren stood there a bit confused by what he just witnessed. _Since when does Horo worry about me eating alone?_ After some time of trying to figure out Horo's weird behavior, his thoughts came back into place; he started going down the stairs and found himself surrounded by the smell of pancakes, or maybe it was French toast, he really didn't know so he went to the kitchen to find out.

To his surprise he found Horo Horo cooking (as if he could really cook…) and the table filled with food, a little too much for Ren but knowing Horo, he knew it would be cleared in seconds. What really caught Ren's eye was a blue glass (why blue again?) standing tall on the table, it didn't look like it belonged there as it stood out from the rest, and of course it was filled with milk. (everybody go awww)

"Horo, why did you do all this?" Ren looked at him with curiosity and disbelief. Hearing Ren's voice, Horo Horo turned to see Ren's golden eyes watching him; he'd always thought his eyes were special, like they could somehow sense and see through everything much like a cat, but he never told Ren that.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you… I've noticed you've been feeling down lately, are you okay Ren?" The worried expression didn't really suit the ainu's style, it showed a much more serious and mature side of him, that Ren for one didn't find as attractive as his goofy self.

Ren accepted the fact that he hadn't been himself for the past few weeks, but he couldn't tell Horo Horo the reason for his strange attitude, (though he always has a weird attitude) because it was during that time that his feelings for Horo Horo began to surface and as a former straight guy (he was never really straight, believe me) Ren wouldn't give in so easily to his lustful desires. He had denied it many times but his heart was always against him pointing him in what seemed to be the _right _direction. His pathetic attempts at trying to keep Horo away from his mind backfired most of the time and ended up stealing his sleeping hours (dirty little mind of his) though Ren liked to blame the ainu for being to damn sexy.

Ren looked up at Horo Horo with a saddened smile, "I'm fine Horo, really, I'm fine." It was difficult for him to lie to Horo, he wanted to tell him the truth; he wanted him to know about his feelings, most of all he wanted his acceptance. In complete calmness he walked over to the table, sat down and started drinking the huge glass of milk he had been longing to get in his grasp.

As usual, Ren didn't eat much so Horo Horo helped himself to whatever the younger shaman left. They ate in utter silence though they exchanged looks now and then, the kind of looks where, when the other sees you, you rapidly turn away and pretend you weren't really looking. (they are so childish) However, one time Horo didn't look away when Ren's glare met his, he stayed there watching Ren with an arched eyebrow as if though he was examining him. Ren, hesitant because of this, wanted to turn around yet he didn't. Horo's obsidian eyes were fixed on Ren, whose heart was beginning to beat uncontrollably and whose face was starting to blush fiercely.

Sensing that if he didn't get out of there fast he would probably have heart attack, Ren got up from his chair, thanked Horo and ran out the kitchen, leaving him to wonder about what just occurred. Once in his room Ren started to calm down, though he cursed to himself for ever coming to like Horo Horo; he couldn't deal with those kinds of feelings, not now anyway. Lying on his bed, staring at the roof he began to ponder (I've always wanted to use that word ) about all the consequences that could come from his so called _love_ towards Horo. Would he love him back? Would he find Ren sick-minded for loving another guy? Would he turn away from him and stop being his friend? From Ren's point of view there were more disadvantages to revealing his feelings. Thinking about it only made his heart ache, he was sure Horo only thought of his as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. Fed up with his love-struck self, Ren decided that a walk would do him some good, or that at least it would help him clear his mind.

Outside it was very cold, the breeze blew past Ren's face which had its mouth covered by a yellow scarf and he was protected by a long black coat that swayed as the wind hit it. The streets were peaceful; there was no one in sight, Ren felt relieved. He found the sky fascinating to look at so he sat down on a green area near the park. (you know, to look for clouds shaped in the form of a milk bottle or maybe a peach XD) He loved gazing at nature, it was a different world from what humans lived in, it was much more perfect, it seemed to always be in control of what went on around it. For Ren, the only flaw on Earth were human beings (oh no, he's starting to sound like Hao D;) as he thought it would be an Utopia if they hadn't come to exist. Although he had a grudge against people it didn't mean he hated them, as a matter of fact he saw them as outstanding creatures. What he found most interesting were human emotions and their power to be able to accomplish so much, they were able to make any problem disappear, especially love, that which Ren was only beginning to experience.

Upon sitting there for a while, Ren heard someone nearing him from behind. He leaned back and put his head down, to see who was there. It was no other than Horo Horo, no matter how hard Ren tried to run from him he couldn't get away from the blue-haired ainu, it was as if Ren was cursed to spend time with him whether he wanted to or not. He obviously wanted to but was too proud to admit that he needed someone to be able to be happy.

"I somehow knew I'd find you here," Horo Horo was smiling down at the purple-haired shaman who was still looking at him upside down. Ren was a little annoyed at Horo for coming to see him, he wished to clear his head, not fill it with mushy pictures of his beloved ainu baka. Horo Horo not getting Ren's displeasure continued to stand there, looking rather spaced out.

"There was a reason I came here baka, it was to be alone. A-L-O-N-E." Ren was now standing up next to Horo Horo with his arms crossed, waiting for him to answer. Horo pretending not to listen eyed Ren for a few seconds and asked him, "Do you want to take a walk? I'd like to show you something."

Surprised by Horo's offer, in a sort of bored tone Ren replied, "It better not be something stupid, you hear?" Ren walked alongside Horo Horo without speaking to him, for he did not want to ruin the moment they were sharing. They'd been walking an awfully long time and Ren no longer knew where they were, his surroundings were completely unknown to him, he felt lost. That sensation of not being certain of where one was, wasn't all that great for him. He liked to be aware of everything that he encountered, everything that he came into contact with including people. Assuming that if he knew more about someone he could apprehend them better, he came to discover that Horo's case was something else entirely. The further knowledge he gained about the ainu the less he could understand him, and to Ren this was somewhat funny seeing as how such a simple-minded person can turn out to be so complex.

They were walking through a path covered in petals and leaves that had fallen from the trees during autumn, leaving them bare and unprotected to face the harsh winters. It was a beautiful place that captured the image of a perfect landscape. Ren was enjoying the sight nature was sharing with him and without even thinking, having a mixture of emotions whirling about inside of him, he reached out and grabbed Horo's hand. Horo, a bit perplexed by Ren's action, turned to see his face bright red; Ren was unbelievably cute when he blushed. Because Ren had his gaze glued to the ground he didn't get to see Horo Horo's sweet smile that was planted on his lips, apparently the ainu didn't mind that the Chinese boy was holding his hand, actually he found it quite pleasurable.

The warmth of Horo's palm tenderly sent a nice tickly feeling up Ren's arm; it also made him wonder why he hadn't released his hand, there was a hopeful glint in his golden eyes. Finally, after hours of deafening silence Horo Horo spoke, "Come on, through here. We're almost there." Horo pulled Ren through a narrow space where one could only see a few steps ahead due to all the trees and vegetation around them, a sort of small tunnel was formed with the branches of the trees making the passage dark and gloomy, only receiving dim light that slipped through the thin branches.

Ren could now see an opening at the end of the path, when they stepped out he was amazed by the beauty that was encircling him. There was a lake which he didn't even know existed; it was sparkling from the light emitted by the sun. Horo motioned him over to a huge tree and told him to climb it, once up in the tree Horo was waiting for Ren to join him.

Looking up at Horo Horo, Ren moved towards the tree, he hadn't noticed when Horo had let go of his hand; he missed his warm palm being pressed against his own. As agile and strong as Ren was, (not to mention self-centered… 3) he was hesitating to climb that damn tree. He slowly made his way up to where Horo was and found out that there was a flat area formed by a thick branch of the tree, two people could sit there, even lie down. (oh my, Ren what are you thinking?) Ren moved to Horo's side and sat down, Horo was looking forward at the lake that lay below them,

"You know, from up here that lake appears to be golden; it reminds me of you." Horo still kept looking ahead; he was avoiding eye contact with Ren. He spoke again, "I like to come here when I'm bored or when I'm sad… this place, and it always manages to cheer me up." Ren was now hugging his knees and his head was buried in them, he wanted to say something but it came out so faint that Horo didn't hear it, he tried saying it again, "Horo…I want to tell you something" this time Horo heard it and paid attention to Ren. Head still hidden, Ren was lost in thought, he couldn't control his emotions very well and started crying, though he kept silent so Horo wouldn't notice the tears falling from his eyes.

"What is it?" Horo was now looking directly at Ren, who wouldn't lift his head to speak, he knew his friend too well to not be able to realize he was indeed crying, but he didn't say anything because if he did it would upset Ren.

Unable to decide whether to tell Horo Horo about his feelings or not, Ren lifted his head and watched the lake; tiny waves were formed by the cold winter breeze sliding over the shining water. The movement of the water gave the lake life, it seemed to be alive, it looked as if it so desperately wanted to tell him something.

"I'm afraid… I'm afraid that I might be doing something wrong. I liked to believe my life was complete, because I had everything I wanted. I've realized I was wrong, I really don't have much, the only thing I have is a heart filled with empty desires. I don't even know if those desires are real, maybe they're not what I actually want, but an excuse to cover up something that I cannot comprehend." Ren looked at Horo with tears in his eyes; he'd said a lot but not enough for Horo to understand what he meant. (let's face it Horo's a bit slow) "Horo Horo, I… I love you so much."

There was silence, Ren had closed his eyes; he didn't want to face Horo when he rejected him. Horo, not surprised by what Ren just said, reached out with his hand to touch him and removed a purple lock of hair from his face sliding his hand down Ren's cheek and under his chin, making him open his eyes. "Then we are both doing something wrong, aren't we?" Horo Horo with his hand under Ren's chin forced him to turn his head so their eyes met, he leaned in closer to Ren and soon their lips made contact, pressed against each other they shared their warmth. Ren was blushing but he started to kiss Horo back, putting his arms around his neck he added a little pressure to deepen the kiss while Horo wrapped his arms around Ren's thin waist. (it really is very very thin)

Horo Horo lay down and let Ren rest on top of him; as he ended the kiss to get some air, Ren let out a whimper and hugged Horo tightly, he was scared, though he didn't know what he was scared of. Horo's body heat, brought a timid smile to Ren's face, he wanted to stay there with him by his side, on that tree, above the whispering lake and let the sky watch over them.

"Ren you don't have to hold on to me so tightly, I won't let go of you." Horo was turning red as he said this and Ren also embarrassed loosened his grip on Horo. The two laid atop the tree until dusk, words weren't said because no words could describe what they felt, because the fact that they were together was enough to last a lifetime.

Love wasn't made for comprehending nor was it made for mastering, it was made for living. The once empty blue sky was now filled with white clouds, those clouds that are always traveling even though it seems as if they're not.

-End

'tear' well, now it's back to drawing... 'runs off to draw some HoroRen pictures'


End file.
